Kings of Leon Suck, They Are The New Nickelback

It’s no secret that Kings of Leon suck. They’re constantly on the radio, and chances are if you’ve gone out in public somewhere, you’ve heard their boring, incoherent and intolerable southern inbred rock. And you people thought Nickelback were bad, this band you could say could be Nickelback’s inbred brother.

Listen to 3 random songs from their album, “Only by the Night” in succession and you’ll notice that all of their songs sound the same. I am not kidding you, they all sound like the same song. Now listen to the whole album and you’ll notice that the ENTIRE album sounds like it’s just one big track thrown onto a CD, really fucking original.

Kings of Leon lack originality, talent and a brain. It seems every song you hear from these guys sounds like overly excessive whining and, “oooh”, “yeaahhhh”, “ahhhhh”. I guess you could say they are an emo alternative rock band. Only without a devoted fanbase of people under 50 years old.

I would rather listen to a tape of a dentist drill looping over and over again, than listen to Kings of Leon. It’s horribly dumbed down rock for people who’s music taste doesn’t extend past the radio. Only an idiot could stomach the putrid and vile sound that is Kings of Leon.

Every time I hear them come on the radio in the car, I have to change the station quickly or rage overcomes me and I start thinking about driving on the footpath. The song “Sex On Fire” puts gross mental images into my head (unintentionally) of Kings of Leon scratching their genitalia due to a really bad sexually transmitted disease.

In true sell-out alt rock fashion, they’re making a remix CD. Justin Timberlake and Pharrel Williams are going to be featured on the remix CD, along with other artists like Linkin Park. So help me god, Kings of Leon have completely sold out and no matter how hard they try remixing their songs it will just be lipstick on a pig. No remix could ever make a Kings of Leon song sound better, unless the remix was of a non Kings of Leon song.

I often wonder how these guys get inspiration for their songs. My guess is they drink a bottle of orange juice, a 1 litre milk and record themselves vomiting into a toilet bowl. Then they add in some effects, some drums and guitar and put it on a CD, success. If not, you sure could have fooled me.

Terrorist Strategy

The only practical use I can see for Kings of Leon’s music is to win the war on terror in Iraq. Equip some tanks with a P.A system, a CD player and a Kings of Leon CD on repeat, success. The war would be won within minutes, not even terrorists could stomach their music.